Oanh

After much consideration, and conversations with my wife, we feel that it would be remiss to not talk about my first love. It happened so unexpectedly at such a critical juncture in my life. The relationship enabled me to understand some of the Vietnamese culture, how they felt about the war, and what their dreams are. So this story is for Oanh. She is out there somewhere, and I hope that one day either she or someone she knows will read this. About once a week I got to Saigon for a layover between missions. Oanh was a girl who worked in a shop cleaning and taking care of inventory. The first time I saw her I was amazed. She was a young woman with poise, who was respectful and kind, with a wide eyed wonderment about Americans. I started talking with her at the shop after a few times visiting, and asked her to dinner. She said no several times before finally giving in. Dinner was exceptional, and the three wheeled carraige ride to where she stayed with several other women was a wonderful experience. Later she was to tell me that a villa, next door in the Din Tin Huong section of Saigon was for rent. A month later I had a little place to go in Saigon when I was there. Oanh moved in with me and our love affair began.

For 18 months I was in Saigon as much as I could be. My mission was such that I travelled extensively throughout Southeast Asia, with Saigon as my transportation hub. Oanh and I would visit holy sites, got to movies, dinners, and just be together. A young soldier stuggling to learn Vietnamese and a young woman learning English, neither needed in the dark of night. She was a passionate, lovely young woman. A woman who taught me about the philosophy of the people, the peasants and the wealthy. I was sitting in a bar one night buying drinks for a young man who spoke only Vietnamese, I was just babbling away with my limited knowlege of the language when Oanh came in to get me. "Loong", she said, "he is VC (Viet Cong), he is telling about killing Americans." To put it lightly I was pretty damn scared. I left five dollars (a huge sum) on the table and told him all the drinks were on me. I shook his hand, and left. It was the first time that I realized that to the people, the war was far beyond them. It did not matter who won, Vietnam would remain the same. Communists and non communists lived in the same homes, and visited the same places.

I am ashamed of how it ended. I walked away without a word. A kiss goodbye in the early morning fog. She did not know that she would never see me again. I had no choice, the Army had changed the mission and I was one of a few that now did not have a job. I left $600 in the apartment, more than the average Vietnamese made in a year. No note, no goodbyes. I turned my back and walked away. I am deeply ashamed of myself, and today I ask for forgiveness.

I have the wonderful memories, and the touch of her heart upon mine. I have hoped for decades that she found a wonderful man and had great children. I know I caused heartache, and for that I apologise. It is my greatest hope that she is the wonderful woman that I knew, and that somehow, I touched her heart and was a positive influence upon her life.

B.G. Clark, 9 May, 2006