These are my dear friends Tony and Cynde Condon. We met about six years ago when our Golden Retreivers crossed paths. Since that time we have hiked a thousand miles or more with Dancer, Buck and Hannah.
What wonderful times we have had. About every two or three months we would try different restaurants around the Springs, some good, some very bad! Cynde and I would drink a couple of glasses of Merlot and be laughing and giggling all through dinner. She hardly ever drank, but I guess she felt some freedom around us and would let go a little. She is a bright and beautiful woman, married to a wonderful loving man. One year ago in May, Cynde was diagnosed with cancer. Our hearts were heavy. How could this happen to our vibrant, loving friend? Cynde has fought the fight with surgery, chemo and other research drugs. In just the past 6 weeks, her cancer went from a one inch tumor, to the spread into her bones and liver. She is in constant pain.
Cynde has brought light into our lives, her brilliance could illuminate a room, her kindness boundless.
It brings me great saddness that my friend is so ill, that her time, in all probability is short, and that my friend Tony is so very depressed. We talk a lot, not nearly enough. His road is hard, he dodges the ruts as best he can, perhaps too well. He is not in denial, but has intellectualized somewhat, it eases the pain.
Today we walked through the woods and talked, Karen ahead of us with the dogs and another friend. Saddness has covered me like a thick blanket. I am angry and hurt. At the same time I recognize that the universe is random in it's expression.
Cynde's body will die, but Cynde will live on through us.
12 June, 2006 Tony came up and walked with us yesterday. He appreciates the outdoors like we do. Cynde is feeling better this week and is scheduled for a scan this morning to see if the cancer has progressed or receded. Tony says she is nauseas most of the time and just doesn't feel like eating. Her pain is constant, but with a new cocktail of pain medication it appears to be helping.
We gave him a framed copy of the picture that you see. The picture of a healthy Cynde. His eyes teared, and I could feel his thanks. I think he cries alone. I think he needs to cry in front of another to reach the depths of his sadness.
Cynde is in my heart today. I am praying, asking the Universe to intercede for her. Tony is completely dedicated, so much in love with her. I just don't understand, are things really just random? Can we somehow bring blessings and healings? Has intercession ever made things change? I guess I have flashes that allow me to briefly fantasize that I may ask intersession from the Universe. But my inner mind doubts. I feel helpless.
July 4th, 2006- Cynde is on my mind today. It is unshakable. I talked to Tony earlier in the week. He says she is feeling stronger, has good and bad days. It is what he does not say that weighs heavily upon me. I send my blessings to the universe, palms held upward. I guestion more than ask. Like the rest of the world, I cannot comprehend the selection process. I can only ask why, and ask for positive change, and a return to health for my dear friend.
July 8, 2006- Cynde died this morning at 5 AM with her husband and friends at her side. Karen and I were gone for the weekend and did not hear until this morning, (Sunday), on the same morning that we were to attend a memorial for another friend who recently passed. Our hearts are heavy. Tony's heart is broken. Our dear friend has made passage to the greatest of life's mystery. I ask for the blessing of the Universe to lead, guide, and direct my friend to happiness and peace. She was a blessing in our lives.
I am going to close out this part of my blog with some material that I read just recently that seems so appropriate:
Gone From My Sight
by
Henry Van Dyke
I am standing upon the seashore. A ship, at my side, spreads her white sails to the moving breeze and moves to the open sea. She is an object of beauty and strength. I stand and watch her until, at length, she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come to mingle with each other.
Then someone at my side says, "There, she is gone".
Gone where?
Gone from my sight. That is all. She is just as large in mast, hull and spar as she was when she left my side. And she is just as able to bear her load of living freight to her destined port.
Her diminished size is within me~~not in her.
And, at just the moment when someone says, "There she is gone," there are other eyes watching her coming, and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, "Here she comes!"
And that, is dying
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